Wednesday, October 1, 2014

A Day in the Life of a Honey Badger: 30 Days of Random the rulez are...a couple paragraphs about topics picked by "the people".  I'm not allowed to look them up.  I just have to speak from a place within.  Or something.  My heart.  Or whatever.

But I was asked to illustrate this one, so I just couldn't.  I HAD to look up a picture of a honey badger so that it would LOOK like a honey badger in the illustrations.  Sorry. 

This is pretty much dead nuts on anatomically accurate picture of a honey badger. 
the beach is THAT way.

Okay, so the one thing I KNOW about honey badgers, is that "Honey badger don't care".  And I guess that's supposed to be the equivalent of saying...honey badger is badass.  Which is cool.  But I feel like maybe it could also mean...honey badgers are apathetic about environmental issues or autism or marriage rights...and then I think...fuck you, honey badger, take an interest in the world around you.  You are so powerful and proud...think of the influence you could bring to bear!!

I watched a youtube video a while back where a honey badger took on a cobra and was voiced over by someone with an effeminate male voice, with that soft sibilant "s" pronunciation to his words.  And it was funny and yeah, that honey badger was pretty kick ass because he was not afraid of that cobra AT ALL.  And he beat its ass.  But possibly the video was actually a mongoose and a snake, and the honey badger was doing something else because my memory is shit lately.  The end result is...honey badgers are like the most bad ass of all animals because they're super tenacious and fearless and stuff.

But anyway, I started thinking, maybe honey badgers weren't just naturally badass...

Honey badger wasn't always so apathetic.  I think the "don't care" thing was probably species-ism.  Like at animal school when one of the animals would make fun of the honey badger and then try to get out of it,

the teacher, Mrs. Rhino would be all, "you apologize this INstant"

and the other animal would be all..."but Mrs. Rhino!  Honey badger don't care!"  And THAT is where the whole "Honey badger don't care" misunderstanding started.

But honey badger DID care and he'd be all bummed out and it would get under his fur and he'd cry and stew about it and not want to go to animal school the next day.

But his mom would be like, "You have to learn to handle your problems on your own.  You can't just stay home from school every time you have a problem there."  And then he probably went to his dad and his dad was reading the paper and all, "Listen to your mother!"

And so the honey badger's "don't care/badass" reputation was this sort of self-fulfilling prophecy, where he went to school, got picked on, learned to take care of himself, cause nobody else would...and turned into a total badass animal.  So when you hear people talk about a parent who is a honey badger when his/her kid is messed with...remember it didn't START that way.  Honey badger was forced into it.  Like Rambo in "First Blood", when that sheriff tried to roust the drifter and all Rambo wanted to do was get a bowl of soup or something.  YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELF SHERIFF!!!

Or maybe it was like Richard Gere in "An Officer and a Gentleman" when Louis Gossett Jr. tries to kick him out of flight school and he's crying in the rain, "I GOT NOWHERE ELSE TO GO!!!"  Bang!  Academy Award* (I don't think he won an Academy Award for that, just sayin').

Anyway, so honey badger wins the "Most Badass" animal award.

There will always be challengers.  There will always be someone who wants to prove that he is more badass than the honey badger, and there will be those that just don't agree with honey badger's title as "Most badass", like the mongoose...

But...honey badger don't care.

In conclusion, put on some damn clothes, honey badger, it's embarrassing.


  1. *hearty applause* Duuuuude. You set the standard ridiculously high for the rest of the month. Also, the size of honey badger's censored strip is impressive.

    1. Thank you! I think you'll notice a SHARP decline in quality moving forward. But I hoped to draw the crowd in with the initial offering.

  2. A friend's mantra. Now, thanks to you, it's mine, too.

  3. I don't want to say this is brilliant, because I know you and the whole ego thing. So I'll just say this was pretty funny. ;)

    1. ego thing is just like the honey badger's "don't care" thing. RESPECT MY JOURNEY!! *sniff*

  4. You are just awesome! There is nothing else to say.

  5. Wait... honey badgers are real?