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Thursday, November 3, 2011

Obligatory Halloween Post, Post-Halloween

Lily doesn't like Halloween in particular, but Emma does, so mostly this "holiday" revolves not around Lily's adventures, but Emma's, though to be sure Lily impacts the festivities.  First of all, Lily doesn't really eat much candy, so it's not like she's super bummed to be missing out on all the extra sugar she could be getting, second, she hates putting on costumes, and third of all, you know. . . autism.

My wife and I take turns dressing up to go with the kiddos (Lily trick-or-treats the cul-de-sac then goes back to the comfort of home for the remainder of the event.), the other parent stays behind handing out candy to the visiting goblins.  In the past we've gone with my niece and nephew, but they've slowly gotten older and, while not growing completely out of the process, have grown into wanting to do it with their school friends, versus their favorite Uncle Jim and their cousins.  This year Emma actually asked to go with a friend of hers.  We offered to take my nephew, but he ended up going with friends too.  

This year it was my turn to dress up, but since Emma was just going with a friend, and because we had just gotten back from the trip to Wisconsin the day before, I more or less half-assed it and bought a Viking helmet, axe, and beard and said "Nailed it!"  

I've always wanted a Viking helmet.  I'm not kidding.  

About a week before Halloween (which is always wayyyyy too late at any store that sells anything other than prostitute costumes for small children) we found a cupcake costume for Lily at Pottery Barn Kids.  I felt super original about it, since Autism Army Mom dressed HER kid in the exact thing last year, and I read the blog about it, and commented on it. . . then YOINK. . . stole it. 

Emma dressed as a Munchkin.  As a third grader she participated in the local high school's production of  "The Wizard of Oz" as a Munchkin, and so she continued a two-year trend (that is currently being aggressively encouraged by her mother and me) of re-using costumes from other stuff (the year before it was a Dance Recital costume) as her Halloween costume.  

Quick, before she flees!
So I carted Emma off to her friend's house.  We joined her and her dad with some other kids and took off.  First of all, no other adults even wore half-assed costumes, so I was moderately self-conscious, but not self conscious enough not to wear my beard and helmet.  Plus, in my loot sack. . . cause you know. . . VIKING!. . . I had beer.  And I self medicated for self consciousness and offered the other dad some medicine as well.  He partook.  I'm not saying we got shitfaced or anything.  We just each had a couple beers that we poured in dixie cups.  

I kept asking him to verify that the foam from my beer was clinging to my Viking beard because I felt it seemed more "authentic" to have stuff in my beard.  

We started out and the rain started to fall.  I didn't wear a coat, cause, again, VIKING!, which was probably stupid because it got pretty cold, but my helmet protected me, although I suspect rainwater collected in my horns and trickled down inside them to empty on my temples.  

Meanwhile, my wife attempted to get Lily out the door to trick-or-treat the neighbors.  No.  Fought the shoes, fought the strawberry head piece (which I later learned she would only wear if the ends of the head band were stuck INSIDE her ears), and my wife caved in and let her stay at home.  Thank you, $50 Pottery Barn Kids costume purchase plus overnight shipping (to get the costume in the nick of time for Halloween).  Money well spent.
mid spin, strawberry-impaled ears


Ultimately, I don't really care because 1)  she hates putting the costumes on, and 2)  it was cold and wet and miserable for anyone who wasn't burning with a fierce desire to acquire as much candy as possible in a two hour span (Emma). 

Emma refused a coat and claimed not to be cold.  And there was some running up to houses, but man!  She's tough, or extremely proud of her un-coat-bemarred costume.  In any event, we trick-or-treated our way back to Emma's friend's house where the kids dumped their candy in piles, carefully sorted it, and then haggled for extra favorites from each other.

I had fun with Emma's friend's dad, who has a strange fixation with the evils of sugar, but saw no irony in encouraging his children to collect as much of it as they could possibly carry.

Weirdest treat this year:  a melted freeze pop
Lamest treat this year:  (Tie) hot cocoa mix, junior mints (really??  has any child even eaten one of these since the mid 60's?)


34 comments:

  1. A melted freeze pop? Huh?

    One year I got a pamphlet with a Christian rant on how celebrating Halloween is the Devil's holiday. Or something.

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  2. It really is the devil's holiday, but he SOOOO knows how to party.

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  3. Doesn't everyone always want a viking helmet?

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  4. Dude. I'm so going Trick or Treating with you next year. I had my Starbucks with me, but I'm thinking I should have spiked it with a little somethin' somethin'.

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  5. HAHAAHAA! Love your weirdest treat. We started to run out of candy (because my husband gives candy by the FIST-FULL to the kids dressed as video game characters lol Anyhow, it came down to- if the doorbell rings again, they're getting rice krispie treats or granola bars. Personally, I LOVE Jr mints!!

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  6. Love the costumes, especially the $50 investment for 5 minutes of wear. That's why we opted out this year. Except I might look into those impaled ear headphones...

    We have so many young children in our neighborhood with early bedtimes that the trick-or-treating begins at 6 sharp and is usually done by 7.

    By 6:45, I was out of candy and raiding my pantry for Nutri-grain bars and fruit roll-ups. When that was gone, in a desperate moment, I grabbed those little boxes of raisins. My teenagers, in fear of tiny goblins hurling eggs at us for giving them fruit on Halloween, made me turn out the porch light and call it a night.

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  7. @KLZ - INORIGHT??
    @Carri - PLUS. . . Emma's friend's Dad's neighbor spiked some cider which warmed my viking beard and belly immensely.
    @Rhonda - ugh. . . you're the only one in america who does. The only one.
    @bird - you're the raisin house??? oh NO!

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  8. Candy is candy. I don't discriminate. Well, unless its strawberry flavored. That's just nasty.

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  9. what about black jelly beans?
    circus peanuts?
    dots?
    candy corn?
    sugar daddies?

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  10. Damn that Pottery Barn for Kids - at least they waived my shipping cost for the puppy costume! Jealous that you got 5 minutes of wear from Lily for it - that 4 minutes and 50 seconds longer than I got out of my kid! (You know the try on- pull off at the same time?)

    Can't imagine you would be self-conscious about the Viking helmut - you should wear that year round!! It's quite fetching.

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  11. My little Aspie usually loves Trick or Treating and costumes (she used to wear costumes to school once a week in Kindergarten, before the Costume Nazi at the school called and told us to stop indulging our daughter's unique sense of style- this was before she was diagnosed, or I'd have raised hell).

    This year, it was fairly warm for Michigan- no rain, and about 55 out, so we were good. For about an hour. Then she stole her dad's coat, and whined about going home. We finally gave in after a few more houses.

    She's usually the one who wants to start at 4pm, and stay out until no more lights are on, so that was new for her. But, she did have fun for a while.

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  12. Love the viking loot bag idea! And just as you stole from Lynn, so shall I steal from you! I just have to come up with a female costume to cary a loot bag - cause I soooo do not have the cleavage to pull off a female viking!

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  13. I am not sure why I push the whole costume idea on Lily. I guess I feel if I don't try that would be the year she would decide to like it. I am not much if a Halloween lover myself, so getting to stay inside was fine by me!!

    However the adult beverages are always a must even for the moms!!!

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  14. Our worst treat was a flyer to sign up for soccer. I'm not kidding. The kids were like, "We just got a piece of paper." Who does that?! PS love the costumes!

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  15. @Karen - I totally know that tryonpulloff move.

    @Anna - Emma is pretty hardcore about her trick-or-treating. She sorta played casual this year.

    @mom2littlemiss - they sell cleavage enhancing products for valkyrie wanna-be's. Just sayin'.

    @Leslie - hey, aren't you in the other room? Why don't we talk anymore?

    @Amy - You might win the prize. It reminds me of the housewarming present our neighbors two doors down got for us. . . a flyer to give to Leukemia. WELCOME!

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  16. NEXT YEAR I AM GETTING ONE OF THOSE SIGNS THAT THEY HAVE AT KENNYWOOD - IF YOU ARE TALLER THAN HENRY DON'T COME TO MY DOOR - SORRY BUT WHEN SOMEONE IS 6 FT TALL AND HAS A VINYL FACE MASK ON -I AM NOT ALL FUZZY AND COZY AND DON'T WANT THEM TO SAY "TRICK OR TREAT, SMELL MY FEET, GIVE MY SOMETHING GOOD TO EAT"

    LOVED THE CUPCAKE - AND SO GLAD EMMA WAS IN OZ COSTUME - SAVE MONEY AND BUY MORE BEER - GET THE LOVELEY LASS LESLIE A BOTTLE WINE.

    MS AWEEZE

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  17. That there is just an engraved invitation to a house-eggin' ms. aweeze!

    Leslie drinks too much already, I'm cutting her off!

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  18. Having lived in North Dakota for 10 years I'll tell you the men go out as vikings and only wear the helmet, a bear skin and some shorts (for modesty's sake) in -20 degree weather. Good thing you didn't trick or treat in North Dakota.

    Someone actually gave our kids a can of soda. We left it at their mailbox....

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  19. Having grown up in Montana. . . etc, etc.

    I forgot. The kids also got Hugs. You know the little sugar drink in a plastic keg shaped cup? Lame.

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  20. what about black jelly beans? THEY SHOULD BE OUTLAWED!

    circus peanuts? ICK! I AM OPPOSED TO THE CIRCUS. THE WHOLE TRAVELING WITH ANIMALS IN CAGES THING. YEAH, IM ONE OF THOSE.

    dots? LOVE DOTS! THEY'RE MY MOMS FAVORITE SO THEY WERE ALWAYS IN THE HOUSE. SUGAR ADDICT? ME? OK.

    candy corn? BLECH!

    sugar daddies? YUP! I LOVE ME SOME SUGAR DADDIES HAHAA SUGAR BABIES.. MILK DUDS.. ALL GOOD IN MY BOOK!

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  21. I just can't believe it never occurred to me to smuggle booze on the TorT trip.

    God, I'm stupid...puts my viking ancestors to shame.

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  22. That's Halloween grownup 101!! Come on, Flannery!

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  23. Hey, since do you have all these readers?

    I mean... good job on the blog here! Also: I'm so jealous of your hat.

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  24. About the time I guest posted on your site. Total coincidence I'm sure.

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  25. After reading this...now I want a Viking hat!!!

    Great post!

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  26. I know right?? They're awesome!

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  27. We got some chocolate junior mints...like chocolate on the inside. I think that is probably a step down from regular junior mints. At least there were no Necco wafers. You gotta love the people who totally cheap out. Flavored tootsie rolls? Really? Couldn't spring for the real thing? One year we got juice boxes from someone.

    And, hey, at least Lily didn't fall and break her arm in the cupcake costume...

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  28. True. The missus is going to try to return the costume. It's like when she was a young professional and would go to Ann Taylor, take a suit home to "try it on". . . go to a job interview and then return it the next day.

    Frugalriffic!

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  29. I had something witty to say about the post, but then I read all these random and hilarious comments and completely forgot what I was going to write.

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  30. You still get a prize for participation. . . just like allllll the other kids.

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  31. Some douchecanoe gave out CornNuts this year. Of course, M., lacking any social filter whatsoever blurted out "That's NOT candy!" with the righteous indignation that only a child with autism can when feeling they've been wronged by society. We are SO TP-ing that house next year. Seriously, CornNuts?

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  32. I. . . I do sorta love cornnuts. And you can never really find them anywhere. . .

    I'll send you our melted freeze pop for your cornnuts!

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  33. OMG you are hilarious! A melted freeze pop? Seriously?

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  34. seriously. And we have a freezer full of the stupid things at home, without getting a melted one on the coldest night of the year.

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