This morning, because no time ever seems to be any less inconvenient, (boy was I wrong about that) I attempted to transfer some video that Leslie took of the kids playing with me over to my phone (so I could load it onto blogger). It's a big video. . . like three minutes. . . so it was taking "longer than it should". "Longer than it should" is code for, "I'm starting to get pissed off and stressed out. "
Let me elaborate on that. Any time I leave the room or occupy myself doing some stupid simple little thing, I do it without telling anyone what I'm doing. Why would I tell them? It's just this stupid little thing and it will take no time at all, and plus, they are not the boss of me.
So I walk out of the room, let's just say for example, to start downloading an audiobook to my phone. The downloading takes quite a while, but I'll only be gone for a second. In the example, the library has sent me an email notifying me that the book is ready. All I have to do is log in, download the zipped file to the PC (which is 30 seconds max) then let it unpack into Overdrive. I walk away during the unpacking process because it takes a half hour.
Invariably, though, the universe tosses some ridiculous curve ball at me. I log into the library's page and click the button to download, but when I open Overdrive, I have overdue books (meaning it tells me they're being deleted). . . so it deletes them. Then it informs me of an update. I sweat a little at this. . . it's going to take a TINY bit more time, but click the button. It downloads. . . installs. . . perhaps a little slower than I'd like. I start glancing at my watch, then back at the little progress bar, then back at my watch. It's only a matter of time now before I hear "The Voice". It's a ticking time bomb really. . . I go to open the file, but the new update has changed my default location so I can't find the downloaded book. Shit shit shit. . .
"Jiiiiiiiim? What are you doing?" comes The Voice from the other room.
This almost always stresses me out, because I recognize that while I'm in the office fucking around on the stupid Overdrive interface, Leslie is "handling" something solo. Maybe I even hear it start to escalate in the other room and start involuntarily drumming my fingers on the desktop muttering, "come on. . . come on. . . " under my breath, praying for things to calm down.
And I don't want to have to answer The Voice, because, goddamnit, you're not the boss of me, Voice! I'm free!!! But it's not fair that she's handling something without me, ignorant of when or if I'll be there to help her and this whole fucking problem wouldn't even have existed in the first place if this 30 second process wasn't taking "Longer Than it Should".
So stress happens and then I snap, because it's easier to yell back, "ugh! I'm on the computer, I'll be there in a second!" dripping with attitude that would make an angst-ridden adolescent proud, than it is to just give it up as a bad job and do it when we're not "handling something".
Alright, so you get the context in theory. This morning I was trying for the third time to do something that shouldn't have taken any time at all and failing, because the stupid message with the video attachment kept timing out even though I was only sending the video in parts (so that it was message-able). And so I had an epiphany. . . upload to my youtube account. Except that I forgot my login and password and while I was trying to remember them, typing variations on a repeating theme, the time bomb tick tick ticked itself down to "Jiiiiim? What are you doing?" and then I got all pissy.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Ugh, I'm trying to upload a video so I can use it in a blog!"
"I need your help here. I need you to engage."
*whithering glare* "Engage what? You're feeding Lily, Emma's feeding herself."
"Isn't there some other time you could be doing this?"
*Incredulous glare* "Like when? Like when I should be doing the taxes? Like when I should be putting kids to sleep or packing lunches? When is a good time?"
|Happier days. . . soooooo long ago. I KID!!!|
And so we gave each other perfunctory apologies** and Emma went to brush her teeth.
** sidebar. . . here are some examples of perfunctory apologies:
"I'm sorry your feelings got hurt."
"I'm sorry you got angry at that."
"I'm sorry if you were offended."
Essentially you're "apologizing" that the other person is such a sensitive wussy and throwing a meaningless tantrum.
So we finished our perfunctory apologies, then got into a brief fight about what a dodge perfunctory apologies are, then exchanged actual apologies***
***sidebar. . . her are some examples of actual apologies:
"I'm sorry I chose this moment to try to do this. I'll try to find a better time when we're not so busy."
"I'm sorry I keep harping on you about trying to transfer this file, I know it's frustrating to you."
And we kissed and made up, so totally averted the divorce crisis. The jail time crisis thing was just a natural extrapolation of the whole over-dramatization of "not having any good time to do it" because I used the example of doing the file transfer instead of the taxes, and in my mind, the IRS would come and haul me away in chains for tax evasion and I'd shake my fist at Leslie while she stood with our crying children and rage over my shoulder as they stuffed me into the police cruiser, "DO YOU SEE??? THIS is what happens when you don't let me transfer the files while we're getting ready for daycare!!!! CURSE YOUuuuuuu!!" And the police cruiser would drive away and the neighbor wives would be out on the stoop in their curlers and bathrobes (because it's totally the 60's) mouthing "oh my" and covering their shock with a demure hand to to their lips.
So no jail time, and no divorce. . . but I also didn't get the file transferred.
I asked Twitter. . . how the hell do you transfer pics and videos to your hard-drive from your iPhone and after several responses, got a great suggestion from Insatiable Booksluts, which was a program that allows your PC to look at your iPhone as if it's a removable hard drive. (which, frankly, your PC should be able to do ANYWAY)
Okay. . . 1) understand that the only reason I want to know how to transfer files to the PC is because I want to upgrade my wife's iPhone to Cloud (essentially IOS 5.0). If she was on Cloud then I'd already HAVE the damn video, but also because I have more than a thousand pictures on my phone and A) It's really hard to find stuff because of all the stuff I have to wade through to get to it, and B) I want to clear up some of my memory.
Now I have a game plan. Tonight. . . sometime after the taxes, laundry, lunches packed, kids put to bed, etc, I will backup my wifes pics and videos to the PC, then upgrade her to IOS 5, then upload the video to the Greatest Blog Ever Posted*, and then sometime in the next day or so I'll hit "publish".
And then. . . unless I'm greatly overselling this. . . you will read The Greatest Blog Ever Posted*