Emma and I were eating our breakfast yesterday and I told her I was thinking about "firing" my tattoo artist.
"Why?"
"Because he keeps missing his deadlines and I always have to contact him after the fact to find out. I want him to contact me!" And that reminded me. "Now that I think about it, I'm bummed that the lady hasn't responded to my email to set up a time to hear you sing."
I started looking into private voice lessons for Emma. Leslie and I had inquired a couple years ago and gotten a few names, and had been told that really 12 is a good starting point for that sort of thing. So we started looking...and then all hell broke loose and we stopped. But I was talking to a guy at work about his daughter (heavily involved in musical theater) and it reminded me.
So I contacted this woman about having Emma, now 13, sing for her and then seeing if we could set something up in the Summer when Emma's schedule clears out a bit.
"Why don't people want to talk to you," she asked?
"I don't know! I mean...I'm super charming over the phone."
"Maybe...maybe you're not as charming as you think you are."
"H-how DARE you!"
"Dad, maybe you have communication issues."
Maybe I do. My tattoo guy reached out to me after the second slipped deadline in response to my "concerned" email. Apologetic. I fired him. His response to my concern was three options. 1) keep the schedule as is...he would work tirelessly to complete the design by the date (next week), 2) move the date out to the SECOND date we set up (about four weeks from now) and start the process, or 3) refund the deposit and tell the shop he couldn't hit my deadline.
And I opted for "3)". And told him to let me know the best way to collect the deposit. He said he'd contact the shop and let me know. But instead he wrote a butthurt email about my decision making process and how health matters were out of his control, and, though I sympathized, I agreed and told him that I'm not penalizing him for his health, I'm penalizing him for his communication. I laid it all out in 4 items. It was a long response. It's just business. I was starting to get cold feet with him. Starting to get nervous. I really want this to be a good experience. Also...lotsa money. Anyway...I haven't yet heard back about how I'm to retrieve my deposit, but I'm thinking at this point, and after my last response (despite indicating I have no ill will toward him or the shop) he's probably just going to blow me off and I'll have wasted $100.
Meh.
I don't want to let this project die. I have decided that I will write up a "scope of work" complete with pictures, and send it to a few artists around the city and see what they say. I have maybe a dozen or so names. This starting over from scratch thing is a real pain in the ass. I had a really good feel for my vision of how this was going to look, and I thought it had been communicated to the artist as well. And I guess it had. He just didn't start work on it until a week before the appointment.
Anyway...no tattoo next week, but I'm still doing it.
Now...to send a followup email to the voice instructor...
Our true life adventures...
Showing posts with label tattoo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tattoo. Show all posts
Thursday, February 18, 2016
Saturday, February 13, 2016
Weekend Update
The tattoo guy hadn't contacted me by Thursday of this past week, so I figured I'd email him. It's been a little over two weeks since we met and sat down to go over all the ideas...themes...features...look...of what I want him to do for me. He said he's been having migraines. I told him to give me the doctor's fucking note.
I didn't. I believe him. Anyway, he promised to have something to me by Sunday/Monday, so I'm assuming Monday and I'll update when/if he hits that date.
One of the reasons I pushed the actual first sitting out to February 26th was so that the design wasn't rushed. So that I could make sure that I was getting his best, most well thought out, carefulestest design. But maybe migraines interfered with that master plan. We shall see. If I'm not happy with it, I'll just push back the date. It's too much money to go into with any trepidation apart from..."will I pass out when he starts jabbing me" sort of trepidation.
------------------------
Lily, after maybe three or four weeks of multiple accidents per day at school has strung two accident free days in a row together. Potty training has always been a huge stresser for me. For us. So it's been sort of a trial, and my patience really needs to be spot on because I recognize how upset it makes me when she struggles with that.
Anyway, call it regression, maybe she was sick? But...puberty is coming for her. And probably her body is feeling really different and weird, and she really doesn't have the sorts of tools in her tool box to handle those feelings. She's been lashing out a bit more over the past few weeks, and that too seems to be settling down. I think...I think my little girl is growing up.
And it's very scary to face that without Leslie.
And it's not that people aren't willing to face it with me. It's a comfort level thing. I was able to talk to Les about just about anything. I was comfortable. I don't really have that same comfort with anyone else.
I'll be fine. Lily will be fine. The family will be fine. But it's out there, and it's scary, and it's something I have to face and address.
-------------------------------
I have to do my taxes. This year is the first in a long time that I've considered having an accountant do them. Turbo Tax seems like it would struggle picking up the pieces of all the moves I've made since Leslie died. Insurance payouts. Rollovers. Social Security benefits. I'm going to still try it, I just need about six hours on a given day of time to focus on it and hammer out the details. If I fail...I'll box it all up and take it to an accountant.
I'm scared of what the "return" will look like. Maybe there won't even BE a return. I just don't even know what to expect.
-----------------------------
Trunk Club starts up again this week. Did I write about Trunk Club? Hmm. *searches blog* Okay, yeah, I did. But mostly just in passing. Trunk Club is this "free service" app where they send you a trunk full of clothes to try on based on your size, life style, and tastes. A stylist works with you to determine what you want, then fills a box full of stuff that they send to you free of shipping.
You open the box, try on the clothes, and keep what you like (and pay for it). And you send back the rest free of charge. So the big downer of Trunk Club is that the branding is expensive as fuck. Way more than I would typically spend on clothes. I talked to the stylist about the price point of the stuff they were sending and her response was...the price point is the only reason the shipping and stylist advice is "free". Which is fine. If I have a huge problem with it, I can just quit.
On the plus side, her argument that If I wanted to update my wardrobe then getting a few well-made high-quality "essentials" and then supplementing that from the mall, was probably a good plan. Also on the plus side, it's given me ideas about less expensive clothes to buy based on some of the outfits she's put together for me.
For example...She sent this really nice pair of shoes and belt that she had paired with three or four outfits in the trunk. I really liked the look, but cringed at the price tag on the shoes. I think they were $300. Not sure. I bought a sweater and a pair of jeans and maybe a shirt and sent everything back. The shoes were actually too big because my foot is so narrow, but it was a really nice look. The next day I went to DSW and found a pair of shoes that looked enough like them that they passed my cursory inspection, and paid a quarter of the price.
So I am starting that up again this week. I told her I'd hit my limit last year and she said she'd contact me in January about starting up again. Anyway, if you see facebook selfies of me it's probably because I just got a new "outfit" and I like it.
Oh...I forgot to mention. They send you a sticker for UPS, but if you don't want to take it back to UPS and ship it...they'll send out a request to pick it up. From your house. It's suuuuuuper convenient. But the clothes are spendy, at least by Pittsburgh middle class standards. Anyway.
---------------------------------
Speaking of new looks, I'm going back to my barber tomorrow. I like the haircut she's been giving me despite the fact that I still do not look like David Beckham. I mean, that's the one thing I really ever tell her when I sit in the chair..."Make me look like David Beckham." And she's more or less failed every single time. I still look like me.
Mister Goods and Grooming is in Lawrenceville. I like the concept. It's like the typical salon experience...but mannified. I know when Les used to get her hair done they'd give her a glass of wine and shoot the shit, and she loved that atmosphere, and at Mister, they offer you a beer or coffee...it's fun. Lawrenceville in general is fun.
--------------------------------
Speaking of tomorrow...it's Valentine's Day. And maybe some of you are wondering whether this is a hard time of the year for me. It's really not. Leslie and I went to dinner on Valentine's Day, but that was really it. The "holiday" was sort of forced upon us. She was never a huge Valentine's kind of girl, but we usually would buy a couple little things for the girls, and a card for each other, and maybe have a nice dinner out. Anyway, I'm just saying, it's not a painful day for me. Besides, I have a valentine's day meeting with my barber. So romantic!
I didn't. I believe him. Anyway, he promised to have something to me by Sunday/Monday, so I'm assuming Monday and I'll update when/if he hits that date.
One of the reasons I pushed the actual first sitting out to February 26th was so that the design wasn't rushed. So that I could make sure that I was getting his best, most well thought out, carefulestest design. But maybe migraines interfered with that master plan. We shall see. If I'm not happy with it, I'll just push back the date. It's too much money to go into with any trepidation apart from..."will I pass out when he starts jabbing me" sort of trepidation.
------------------------
Lily, after maybe three or four weeks of multiple accidents per day at school has strung two accident free days in a row together. Potty training has always been a huge stresser for me. For us. So it's been sort of a trial, and my patience really needs to be spot on because I recognize how upset it makes me when she struggles with that.
Anyway, call it regression, maybe she was sick? But...puberty is coming for her. And probably her body is feeling really different and weird, and she really doesn't have the sorts of tools in her tool box to handle those feelings. She's been lashing out a bit more over the past few weeks, and that too seems to be settling down. I think...I think my little girl is growing up.
And it's very scary to face that without Leslie.
And it's not that people aren't willing to face it with me. It's a comfort level thing. I was able to talk to Les about just about anything. I was comfortable. I don't really have that same comfort with anyone else.
I'll be fine. Lily will be fine. The family will be fine. But it's out there, and it's scary, and it's something I have to face and address.
-------------------------------
I have to do my taxes. This year is the first in a long time that I've considered having an accountant do them. Turbo Tax seems like it would struggle picking up the pieces of all the moves I've made since Leslie died. Insurance payouts. Rollovers. Social Security benefits. I'm going to still try it, I just need about six hours on a given day of time to focus on it and hammer out the details. If I fail...I'll box it all up and take it to an accountant.
I'm scared of what the "return" will look like. Maybe there won't even BE a return. I just don't even know what to expect.
-----------------------------
Trunk Club starts up again this week. Did I write about Trunk Club? Hmm. *searches blog* Okay, yeah, I did. But mostly just in passing. Trunk Club is this "free service" app where they send you a trunk full of clothes to try on based on your size, life style, and tastes. A stylist works with you to determine what you want, then fills a box full of stuff that they send to you free of shipping.
You open the box, try on the clothes, and keep what you like (and pay for it). And you send back the rest free of charge. So the big downer of Trunk Club is that the branding is expensive as fuck. Way more than I would typically spend on clothes. I talked to the stylist about the price point of the stuff they were sending and her response was...the price point is the only reason the shipping and stylist advice is "free". Which is fine. If I have a huge problem with it, I can just quit.
On the plus side, her argument that If I wanted to update my wardrobe then getting a few well-made high-quality "essentials" and then supplementing that from the mall, was probably a good plan. Also on the plus side, it's given me ideas about less expensive clothes to buy based on some of the outfits she's put together for me.
For example...She sent this really nice pair of shoes and belt that she had paired with three or four outfits in the trunk. I really liked the look, but cringed at the price tag on the shoes. I think they were $300. Not sure. I bought a sweater and a pair of jeans and maybe a shirt and sent everything back. The shoes were actually too big because my foot is so narrow, but it was a really nice look. The next day I went to DSW and found a pair of shoes that looked enough like them that they passed my cursory inspection, and paid a quarter of the price.
So I am starting that up again this week. I told her I'd hit my limit last year and she said she'd contact me in January about starting up again. Anyway, if you see facebook selfies of me it's probably because I just got a new "outfit" and I like it.
Oh...I forgot to mention. They send you a sticker for UPS, but if you don't want to take it back to UPS and ship it...they'll send out a request to pick it up. From your house. It's suuuuuuper convenient. But the clothes are spendy, at least by Pittsburgh middle class standards. Anyway.
---------------------------------
Speaking of new looks, I'm going back to my barber tomorrow. I like the haircut she's been giving me despite the fact that I still do not look like David Beckham. I mean, that's the one thing I really ever tell her when I sit in the chair..."Make me look like David Beckham." And she's more or less failed every single time. I still look like me.
Not me.
Mister Goods and Grooming is in Lawrenceville. I like the concept. It's like the typical salon experience...but mannified. I know when Les used to get her hair done they'd give her a glass of wine and shoot the shit, and she loved that atmosphere, and at Mister, they offer you a beer or coffee...it's fun. Lawrenceville in general is fun.
 |
| http://mistergroomingandgoods.com/ |
--------------------------------
Speaking of tomorrow...it's Valentine's Day. And maybe some of you are wondering whether this is a hard time of the year for me. It's really not. Leslie and I went to dinner on Valentine's Day, but that was really it. The "holiday" was sort of forced upon us. She was never a huge Valentine's kind of girl, but we usually would buy a couple little things for the girls, and a card for each other, and maybe have a nice dinner out. Anyway, I'm just saying, it's not a painful day for me. Besides, I have a valentine's day meeting with my barber. So romantic!
Thursday, January 28, 2016
Boss! Boss! The Plane! The Plane!
Places everyone, places!
Tattoo (see what I did there? no? so young...so so young). I'm here to talk to you about the tattoo. I don't have tattoos. By the time I decided there was something I was passionate enough about in order to justify using permanent ink on my delicate skin, I was a dad. And I had other shit to deal with. And it seemed...self indulgent. And Leslie wasn't a fan. It was something I didn't NEED. So I didn't do it. But, as previously mentioned, now I'm doing it.
Today I met with an artist to talk about designing something. I gave him a deposit. And February 26th I have my first sitting. He said 5 hours. Then two more sittings. That's a lot of sitting. And hours. And ink. All in.
I mentioned before that I was looking now at an owl. And that's all I'll say for now. From now until February 26th he's going to work on the design and when I go sit down for five hours...I hope to have a design that I'm happy with and that means something to me.
I was excited to go to the consult. We spent an hour talking about it. He wrapped a page around my arm and marked it off so he had the design dimensions. And then we looked at pictures and I told him what my vision was. And he quickly sketched up some things and asked questions and took notes. And then I left, $100 poorer, but excited.
------------------------------
Meanwhile...
On my way to pick up my weekly Pad Thai, I stopped by the jeweler to check on my ring re-sizing. "You have your envelope?"
"No."
"Well, do you know your order number?"
"No. But...I DO know my name."
*grumbles*
They hadn't called me, but it seemed like long enough to resize a ring 1/2 a ring size to ME. And apparently it was. Because my ring was ready. Good to have it back.
Tattoo (see what I did there? no? so young...so so young). I'm here to talk to you about the tattoo. I don't have tattoos. By the time I decided there was something I was passionate enough about in order to justify using permanent ink on my delicate skin, I was a dad. And I had other shit to deal with. And it seemed...self indulgent. And Leslie wasn't a fan. It was something I didn't NEED. So I didn't do it. But, as previously mentioned, now I'm doing it.
Today I met with an artist to talk about designing something. I gave him a deposit. And February 26th I have my first sitting. He said 5 hours. Then two more sittings. That's a lot of sitting. And hours. And ink. All in.
I mentioned before that I was looking now at an owl. And that's all I'll say for now. From now until February 26th he's going to work on the design and when I go sit down for five hours...I hope to have a design that I'm happy with and that means something to me.
I was excited to go to the consult. We spent an hour talking about it. He wrapped a page around my arm and marked it off so he had the design dimensions. And then we looked at pictures and I told him what my vision was. And he quickly sketched up some things and asked questions and took notes. And then I left, $100 poorer, but excited.
------------------------------
Meanwhile...
On my way to pick up my weekly Pad Thai, I stopped by the jeweler to check on my ring re-sizing. "You have your envelope?"
"No."
"Well, do you know your order number?"
"No. But...I DO know my name."
*grumbles*
They hadn't called me, but it seemed like long enough to resize a ring 1/2 a ring size to ME. And apparently it was. Because my ring was ready. Good to have it back.
Tuesday, January 5, 2016
2016: Let's Get it Started
2016 started less stressfully than I feared. When last we spoke, I had this weird seemingly conflicting feeling about not wanting to let go of 2015 because despite it being a big old pile of shit year-wise, it was MY big old pile of shit, and also contained within it my last memories of being with Leslie and holding her hand and kissing her head and saying goodbye.
And despite my reassurances to myself that in fact December 31, 2015 was "just another day" it carried with it decades of meaning..."this is the last day of this year...you will start anew next year" and starting anew meant starting fresh...with Leslie not by my side. And that was sucky.
And ultimately...like birthdays or New Years past...when the moment that the old year metamorphosed into the new...absolutely no meaning or feeling or loss or gain was conveyed, just as I'd "known" it wouldn't, and if I was a little more subdued than New Years past, I can perhaps be forgiven, but ultimately, it wasn't as painful to actually realize 2016, as it was anticipating ending 2015.
If that makes any sense at all.
-----------------------------------
Lily has started this new thing where she only sleeps until about 3:30 - 4:30 in the morning every morning. I'm not in love with it. The plus is that if I get to her before she's fully awake I can typically lie down next to her and cuddle her back to sleep. The minus is...she doesn't give any indication that she's actually awake. I must sleep relatively lightly, because the rustle of sheets and the change in breathing are typically all I need in order to know that when I creep quietly down the hall to check on her I'll find her sitting up in bed smiling cheerfully at me.
Last night she slept until 3:15 or so. I fell asleep next to her until about 3:30. I crept quietly away and slept until about 4:15 when she woke up again. Lather rinse repeat...I was back in bed by 4:30 until my alarm woke me up at 5:30.
-------------------------------------------
We talked at group support about "giving ourselves permission to grieve". The idea, essentially, that it can't always just be about taking care of the kids emotional needs, we also need to be able to process (I brought up "Oxygen Mask", "please secure your own mask before helping others", that sort of thing). The facilitator I think made it too black and white. One of the members in the group was really struggling and I found myself irrationally irritated with the soft-spoken discussion leader and leaping in.
Everyone in that room is in a "similar" situation. It's one thing to psychologically give yourself permission to grieve. To me, that's far easier than the actual "execution". Yeah, I'm fully permitted. I've already decided that when I'm sad, I'll let Emma see it, and so what? Frankly, I think it's good for her to see that I care, and that I'm sad. I think it normalizes it for her. Gives her permission to openly grieve too. That said, it's like anything. I can give myself permission to have a couple beers at night, but exercising that option means not being able to be 100% if Lily wakes and needs me.
There are lots of things I can choose to do, but choosing one thing sometimes means avoiding/ignoring/neglecting another. Life's way more complicated than just...'choosing to do X'. But I do get that if you are the kind of person who really hasn't allowed himself/herself to grieve...you should. Even if finding time for yourself is harder than what most people might think.
---------------------------
I'm going to get a tattoo.
I'm doing some...soul searching. I've always wanted a tattoo. I just never had anything I felt strongly enough about that I wanted to mark myself up permanently. And then when the kids came...I don't know...I think I just sort of felt it was frivolous. And it probably is. But frivolous and having to explain that shit to Leslie...and frivolous and not having to answer to her...well those are two different things.
I want something that symbolizes a psychopomp. A butterfly was initially what I was going with. Then I considered a raven. Now I'm thinking of an owl. Apparently the owl is specifically something that is spoken of in Polish folklore as a carrier or guide of souls to heaven, and Leslie was...very Polish. So it seems fitting. Also I'm thinking of having "Isaiah 41:10" or part of that text "I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" added because it's something that Leslie drew strength and comfort from, even going so far as to raise her right hand when she would struggle to breathe walking up the stairs to our bedroom so that she could take God's hand and accept his help.
I'm still a ways off, but I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts or suggestions, even tips for how to work with a tattoo artist to get the design you want, or how to find a really good tattoo artist.
-----------------
Finally...I'm looking at trying to by a laptop shelf for my treadmill. I talked about choices above. Sometimes my choice is to exercise. Sometimes it's to read. Sometimes it's to write or play guitar. But I find I don't have time to choose all of the above.
I want to write more. If I can do that and get my exercise at the same time? Well...that's just killing two birds with one stone. One choice/option I don't have to turn aside from in order to pursue another.
And despite my reassurances to myself that in fact December 31, 2015 was "just another day" it carried with it decades of meaning..."this is the last day of this year...you will start anew next year" and starting anew meant starting fresh...with Leslie not by my side. And that was sucky.
And ultimately...like birthdays or New Years past...when the moment that the old year metamorphosed into the new...absolutely no meaning or feeling or loss or gain was conveyed, just as I'd "known" it wouldn't, and if I was a little more subdued than New Years past, I can perhaps be forgiven, but ultimately, it wasn't as painful to actually realize 2016, as it was anticipating ending 2015.
If that makes any sense at all.
-----------------------------------
Lily has started this new thing where she only sleeps until about 3:30 - 4:30 in the morning every morning. I'm not in love with it. The plus is that if I get to her before she's fully awake I can typically lie down next to her and cuddle her back to sleep. The minus is...she doesn't give any indication that she's actually awake. I must sleep relatively lightly, because the rustle of sheets and the change in breathing are typically all I need in order to know that when I creep quietly down the hall to check on her I'll find her sitting up in bed smiling cheerfully at me.
Last night she slept until 3:15 or so. I fell asleep next to her until about 3:30. I crept quietly away and slept until about 4:15 when she woke up again. Lather rinse repeat...I was back in bed by 4:30 until my alarm woke me up at 5:30.
-------------------------------------------
We talked at group support about "giving ourselves permission to grieve". The idea, essentially, that it can't always just be about taking care of the kids emotional needs, we also need to be able to process (I brought up "Oxygen Mask", "please secure your own mask before helping others", that sort of thing). The facilitator I think made it too black and white. One of the members in the group was really struggling and I found myself irrationally irritated with the soft-spoken discussion leader and leaping in.
Everyone in that room is in a "similar" situation. It's one thing to psychologically give yourself permission to grieve. To me, that's far easier than the actual "execution". Yeah, I'm fully permitted. I've already decided that when I'm sad, I'll let Emma see it, and so what? Frankly, I think it's good for her to see that I care, and that I'm sad. I think it normalizes it for her. Gives her permission to openly grieve too. That said, it's like anything. I can give myself permission to have a couple beers at night, but exercising that option means not being able to be 100% if Lily wakes and needs me.
There are lots of things I can choose to do, but choosing one thing sometimes means avoiding/ignoring/neglecting another. Life's way more complicated than just...'choosing to do X'. But I do get that if you are the kind of person who really hasn't allowed himself/herself to grieve...you should. Even if finding time for yourself is harder than what most people might think.
---------------------------
I'm going to get a tattoo.
I'm doing some...soul searching. I've always wanted a tattoo. I just never had anything I felt strongly enough about that I wanted to mark myself up permanently. And then when the kids came...I don't know...I think I just sort of felt it was frivolous. And it probably is. But frivolous and having to explain that shit to Leslie...and frivolous and not having to answer to her...well those are two different things.
I want something that symbolizes a psychopomp. A butterfly was initially what I was going with. Then I considered a raven. Now I'm thinking of an owl. Apparently the owl is specifically something that is spoken of in Polish folklore as a carrier or guide of souls to heaven, and Leslie was...very Polish. So it seems fitting. Also I'm thinking of having "Isaiah 41:10" or part of that text "I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" added because it's something that Leslie drew strength and comfort from, even going so far as to raise her right hand when she would struggle to breathe walking up the stairs to our bedroom so that she could take God's hand and accept his help.
I'm still a ways off, but I'd love to hear anyone's thoughts or suggestions, even tips for how to work with a tattoo artist to get the design you want, or how to find a really good tattoo artist.
-----------------
Finally...I'm looking at trying to by a laptop shelf for my treadmill. I talked about choices above. Sometimes my choice is to exercise. Sometimes it's to read. Sometimes it's to write or play guitar. But I find I don't have time to choose all of the above.
I want to write more. If I can do that and get my exercise at the same time? Well...that's just killing two birds with one stone. One choice/option I don't have to turn aside from in order to pursue another.
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