New beginnings

 I just looked at the last post I wrote.  It was 4/20/2020.  A couple weeks after the pandemic officially closed us all down.  A couple weeks after Elliott was born.  A couple weeks after Emma's 18th birthday.  I don't know what stopped me from writing it all down.  Maybe the sheer amount of stuff?  Where to start?  

Fittingly the post was titled, "Where to Begin", and I wish I'd have finished it.  It talked about all the stuff that Emma had to say goodbye to her senior year, and it talked about Eli being born, or at least it would have, if I'd have finished it.  Maybe I will.  Maybe I'll go back and try to remember what I can of it all and hope I can do it at least a little justice.  

I've felt a lot of guilt about not blogging anymore.  Some relief, but mostly guilt.  It shouldn't be a job.  Unless you love your job, I guess.  And I really enjoy writing, though maybe my silence over the past two plus years hasn't been a good demonstration of that.  

I was talking to Angie about it the other day.  I think I've even blogged about it.  When I was in college I decided I wanted to take up running.  I figured the best way to do it would be to buy super expensive running shoes (at that time they were Nike Air Pegasus) from the athletic store where I worked.  They weren't the MOST expensive, but to a college kid making just over minimum wage they were pretty spendy.  And the thinking was...if I blow all this money on running shoes, I will DEFINITELY run, because not running will make me feel guilty about blowing the money on shoes.  You know, instead of beer.

This is not a picture of the actual shoes.

And it worked.  That one day.  I ran on a trail through the  mountains outside of Kalispell, Montana where I was visiting a friend who had invited me to a lakehouse.  It rained, but that was pretty cool, and I wasn't really sure what I was doing, but I was running, and taking in nature and fulfilling the promise that I'd made with my $120 shoe purchase.  And then I never did it again.

In the past I've posted and said, "I know I haven't been around much, but from here on out, you're going to see lots more from me."  And I do post more frequently.  And then I stop.  So no promises.  But I WANT to write more, and I want to tell you about how great Emma is doing in school, and how Lily is growing up and navigating her school, and how Elliott is doing, and I know that getting started is as simple as opening up the app and typing, "I just looked at the last post I wrote."  

So much has happened that it seems overwhelming to start, but isn't material that is seemingly endless every writer's dream?  I'm not post this on facebook or sharing it anywhere.  I think people used to subscribe to reading lists or whatever, and I don't know how to turn that stuff off, so I'm not going to bother trying.  I'm just going to write and post and try to get back in the habit of posting, and if I finally decide that I've written something that's truly worth sharing (or that I feel like sharing) then I'll give it a share.

In the meantime, I'll revisit, "Where to Begin" and just post a couple stream of consciousness type things until I get back into the habit.