Lily doesn't answer sometimes when we address her or ask her to do things. And I guess not even just "not answer", but sometimes she doesn't appear to pay any notice whatsoever to her surroundings to look up, or comply, or respond in a timely fashion. (Put quotes around that last little bit. It's important for later)
Sometimes she's focused on something. Perhaps it's the TV, or a book, or looking at a doll, but sometimes she doesn't appear to be doing anything at all. As parents, or a parent (I'll speak for myself), I will find myself getting frustrated when my repeated attempts to get Lily's attention appear to be in vain. And I have to remember something our last wrap psychologist said about taking data for redirecting Lily's attention in the school setting, and how to categorize whether it's successful.
She said, "Wait three seconds before repeating a command, or her name. If she doesn't respond in three seconds, that's an unsuccessful attempt." So for a while when I'd call Lily, I'd count the seconds in my head before calling her again. As time has gone by I've gotten a bit out of the habit, but it really does work.
|Vun! Two! Three! Three Mississippi!|
So, Instead of repeating the command or her name three times in rapid succession, growing increasingly frustrated over her failure to register, I try to remember to count to three, and sometimes. . . maybe even a most of the time, she'll drag her attention away from whatever it was and focus or comply.
Last night I gave her a bath. I'd washed her hair, conditioned it, and rinsed it off, and I was ready to lather her up and wash her legs, so I needed her to stand. I get the soap all lathered up, and if I can't get her to stand, then by the time I pick her up, all soaking wet, most of the soap is rinsed off and I have to hurry and do it again before she returns to the warmer confines of the bathwater.
"Stand up, please, Lily," I said. She was playing with her new bath doll, Belle and paid me no attention.
"Please stand up, Lily," I said again almost immediately, but this time I remembered to count. I think I was already slowly ramping up into irritation that I'd have to pick her up again but caught myself. I counted in my head. One thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand thr- and she levered herself up and stood for me.
I heaped praise on her (she was an exceptionally good girl all night, and soooo tired), lathered her up, and then had to support her a little as she tried to escape back into the warm water before I had her all done, and she giggled because she's ticklish, and so I lathered her up a little more just to hear her giggle a little more, before she wriggled free from my soapy grasp and settling contentedly back into the water.
I do find a much greater rate of success capturing her attention and getting compliance when I give her "a little time" to process. Three seconds seems like a lot when you first say her name and start to wait. Three seconds seems saucy . . . hell, it seems like gross insubordination from my older NT daughter, Emma. But three seconds is no time at ALL to wait for success from Lily. Win-win. I get compliance and giggles, she gets praise and tickles.