Jinx

It's not you, it's me.  Two months since I posted last and lots to report. 

I had to go back and reread the last three blogs to see what I'd even said.  One was a walk notification.  One was about teaching Emma to drive.  And one was about the nurse quitting.  And...that's really it.  I've written other posts this year...but way back in January.  And all pretty general stuff. 

So...

In February, I visited the doctor for a checkup.  His patients are primarily the octogenarian-set, so I think maybe him seeing me once every four months is a bit overkill.  Still, he saw me and my blood pressure was..."high". 

I've always flirted with high blood pressure.  When I gain a few pounds it drifts up.  When I lose a few pounds it drifts back to normal range.  It's often been labeled "borderline high".  My dad takes medication for it (for his blood pressure.  Not mine.  Don't be weird).  It's not super surprising that I would have it too.  But...it was "high".  Not "borderline high".  He prescribed me a blood pressure med and told me to come back in 4 weeks.  I found this...jarring.

Nothing like being the sole surviving parent of two kids and confronting the possibility that your elevated blood pressure is increasing your risk of heart attack...

I decided I would make some "lifestyle changes".  I told the doc to give me 4 weeks and if I hadn't brought my blood pressure down I'd start taking the medicine.  The appointment books were full for six weeks, so it gave me an extra two week grace period.

I struggle with between-meal/before-bed snacking.  If there are salty, crispy snacks available, I will eat them.  I resolved to do better.  I googled, "foods that are good for hypertension."  I added these to my grocery list.  I re-downloaded the MyfitnessPal app on my phone to track calories.  I started getting on the treadmill regularly.

I had success.  But...I didn't want to jinx it by making a big deal about it.  I didn't want to publish the great news and then report again 2 months later that it was crap again.  And, if we're being honest, there's probably only one other topic that people care less about than your "personal weight-loss journey" and that's your fantasy football team. 

So I won't bog you down with all the deets, but from the end of February to the middle of April, I had lost 15 pounds.  When he checked my blood pressure then he pronounced me "fit" and not needing the medication. 

That was not the end of it.  Since then I lost another 10 pounds, and 4 inches on my waist and the only clothes that fit are those that I purchased between about the beginning of June and now.  It's a great problem to have.  But it's expensive.  Still...I'm not complaining.  I left my yearly physical this morning with a clean bill of health.  (and a scrip for a fucking colonoscopy and endoscopy...yay aging!)

I'm not done, but I'm in a much healthier place, and I waited until now to bring it up.  It's consumed a lot of my time.  Every night on the treadmill then lifting weights.  Walking at work, walking at the mall on my lunch break (with the other elderlies...what?  it's gets really hot outside!).  I sort of made the decision to sacrifice sleep because something had to give.  I can work out until 10:30 or 11, but then I end up in bed 11:30 or 12 and I have to get up at 5:30...and Lily still is waking up at least once per night.  So...my fitbit (oh...yeah...bought one of those again too) goals are all green.  Except my sleep goal.  And yes, I know sleep is super important.  I'll figure it out.
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Emma and I continue to slog away at her driving.  She's getting better.  I'm getting better.  We have an end goal in sight.  Her test will be a week after she's eligible by law (in September).  We're still trying to log hours.  She drives back and forth to and from her jobs.  Plural.  Last time we 'spoke' she was applying for another job.  She got it.  She's saving for a car.  Raking in the cash.
...

Lily got an aide.  The short version is (and I'm not really going to go into the longer version) that I asked the pediatrician to remove the skilled nursing requirement from her letter of medical necessity in order to make the position easier to fill.  It's been a year since we started this process.  In that time, I think I've had 4 months of coverage.  I spoke to the insurance company frequently.  I don't know what the tipping point was...I'm sure there's a procedure or guideline somewhere, but according to the insurance company they..."offered a higher rate" for Lily and...whatya know?  Someone took it.  And I really like her.  Fingers crossed she sticks around for a while.

"Offered a higher rate."  I'm of two minds on this.  1)  Thank you so much for offering the higher rate.  I had no idea what I was going to do this summer.  It was too much for my parents.  It obviously fixed the staffing issue.  2)  Why the fuck didn't you offer a higher rate six months ago??

I'm just letting it go.  I'm going to assume that there's a procedure that says they're not authorized to offer higher rates unless X months of no service or something have gone by.  It's better for my mental health to assume that's the case anyway.
...

I started seeing someone last year at the end of September.  I'm pretty tight-lipped about that stuff on social media.  At least I have been previously.  I think it was part "don't jinx it" and part "keep your options open".  Committing to someone is really weird and hard when there is still so much to unpack after losing your spouse.  Kids to consider.  The whole shootin' match.  So I'd been dating.  But I was really quiet about it in this space. 

She's really great.  A weird perfect match sort of great.  Like in an almost spooky too-good-to-be-true sort of way.  I'd always thought it was the differences between people that drew them together.  I remember the priest telling Leslie and I that what I loved about Leslie were the things I saw in her that I wished I had myself.  Apart from attraction, her organization, her mental compass, her stability.  Those were all things that I was lacking myself and loved about her.  And she made me better at all of those things to varying degrees.  With Angie (her name is Angie, did I mention?) we are sooooo alike.  So either she's an exceptionally gifted con-woman trying to bilk me out of my wealth (jokes on YOU, Angie, I don't HAVE any wealth!  HAHA!) or we're just eerily similar people who get along so well that we have not had a single fight in the 10 months I've been dating her. 

That's weird, right?  And amazing?  What's the record?  10 months and we haven't even gotten CLOSE to being in a fight. 

We've covered all sorts of relationship milestones...met the parents, met my father-in-law (it wasn't as weird as you might think), went on a road trip to NYC, met my kids, met her sister, met her friends...and many many more. 

Anyway, you should probably know that.  It's "new".  I mean, it's not really NEW new, but it might be new to you, in a, "Hey Jim, what's new?" "Oh, I've been seeing this girl Angie" sort of new way.

Surprise visit to NYC.  Angie, Like Sasquatch, moves too fast to be photographed in focus

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OH!  Sidebar...I'm down 25 pounds and hardly ever drink so three drinks and I'm FUCKED UP.  Related:  so many calories in drinks.  Can't someone DO something about that?
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I'm redoing my bedroom.  I put up brick paneling and then german schmeared it.  No, that's not sex stuff.  Look it up.  I'm repainting and getting new bedding and had this big historic map of Pittsburgh made (thank you, Angie!) and it's getting framed, and and and.  It's fun. 

before

starting to schmear

paneling up

Also, I'm having my patio extended in the back and a firepit put in.  Then I'm going to get new patio furniture. 

I've been busy. 

That's it for now.  Things are going really well.  I hope I didn't just jinx them.

Another One Bites the Dust

Lily's nurse quit.  She gave her...10 minute notice yesterday  I'm supposed to hear back from the agency sometime today, but haven't yet.  Not sure what they're waiting for, but my dad is getting Lily off the bus today, so at least we're covered.

So the saga of getting/keeping an aide continues. 

At issue is Lily's aggression.  Here's where being me (someone who attempts to see both sides of the situation all the time) sucks.  Because I get why she quit.  She doesn't want to get hit or kicked or bitten anymore.  All that is a slam dunk.  I didn't want that either.  I am NOT a huge fan of coming home to what amount to "I quit as of this moment", but it's definitely hard to deal with aggression.  So because I understand the "why" of it, it makes it hard for me to call her the "bad guy" in this situation.  And yeah...probably I'm putting too many things in quotations in this paragraph.

The devil's advocate side of me, however, is wondering why this nurse struggled so much with Lily.  Even when Lily IS aggressive with me...she only ever actually hurts me when I'm stupid enough to play chicken with her, holding my hand or arm or fingers too close to her mouth when she's really really pissed off (bite!).  But the slapping thing?  Scratching?  Kicking?  She's 12, low muscle tone, significantly uncoordinated (I mean, I still help her down the steps), how hard is it to dodge a slap?  Or to catch a foot and hold it when she tries to kick?  That's a trick question...I already know the answer is...not very fucking hard.  Because I do it regularly.

Whatever this nurse's approach was...it antagonized the shit out of Lily, because nobody has EVER struggled with her like that.  Each day I'd come home and listen to the nurse...basically tattle on Lily.  It was stressful as fuck.  I couldn't wait until she was out the door every day and my family could just chill out again and relax.  Because honestly the minute I walked through the door, everything was fine and normal.  Manageable. 

Sigh.  Back to square one.  We'll see what the agency offers. 

SUBJECT CHANGE!!

I remember when I first moved to Pittsburgh and asked people directions to things.  Apart from the fact that Pittsburgh's winding roads are gridless and confusing, people would tell me how many minutes it was from point A to point B.  I can't remember who I asked, maybe it was Leslie, but I remember asking, yeah, okay, 15 minutes, but how many miles is it?

And she (or whoever it was) had no idea.  I couldn't believe it.  Nobody knew how far anything was from anything else.  It was X minutes.  It was hard for me to get my brain around.  In Montana everything is X miles.  YOU decide the minutes based on how fast you drive.  It's 40 miles from Big Timber to Columbus.  40 minutes for some.  30 for others...

I literally just realized this a couple nights ago, but nobody knows how many miles it is, because there aren't what would have to be hundreds of thousands of signs with miles posted on them.  Sure it's like that on the highway, but in the metropolitan sprawl of Pittsburgh and it's surrounding communities...you just can't post as many signs as it would take. 

How did I not put that together?  Back then I just thought if someone was going from Shaler to Dormont, for example, there'd be a sign that said Dormont 10 miles.  But...there isn't because there's no Shaler to Dormont expressway.  It's just a bunch of different neighborhood roads and a few miles of parkway.  (They should really fix that)

Anyway...I realized it on my way home, looking at the GPS, which tells me both how many miles and how many minutes.  And I remember thinking...who the fuck cares how many miles it is?  I need to know how long it'll take.  And right then I thought...oh my god...country mouse was visiting the city...it's just a very different frame of reference.  10 miles might take 30 minutes.  Or 45 with traffic. 

In Montana it's just a simple equation.  Distance/velocity = time.  That equation doesn't work in the city.