Thursday, September 27, 2012

The Tooth about Sporns

See. . . missing toof.

When Lily lost her top tooth my friend Bec sent my daughters a present.  It was a book she wrote to promote inclusion and acceptance of special needs kids, and it was (and is) called Jake Learns the Tooth.  It was about losing teeth, and the tooth fairy, and illustrated by kids!  And she thought given Lily’s love for books, and the subject matter, she’d really like it!  (and she did).  What I somehow failed to register was that Bec lives in Australia.  So it was sort of amazing to see it show up complete with book (for Lily) and a calendar of animals down under (for Emma).  Because I was trying to be discrete (First.  Time.  Ever.  It’s totally overrated) I was sort of cryptic with my acknowledgement.  I didn’t want people knowing she’d sent a gift for the kids because then maybe all her fans would be pissed that THEY didn’t get gifts for their kids.  The unfortunate side effect was that it made it look like we were involved in some sort of illicit trade.  The following occurred on her facebook “wall”.  I'll add the . . . "directors comments" in bold.

Jim Walter:  A package was received. . . it was filled with goodies. LOVE it! Also. . . and this is probably going to make me sound a little dull. . . I had no idea this was an international shipment.

Bec: Could that sound more dodgy? I think not :)

Jim Walter: You're all secretive and stuff. . . I didn't want to say too much. BUT. . . it does sound pretty dodgy. What kind of operation are you running here, anyway?

Bec: LOL secretive. Yeah that makes it sound WAY less dodgy.

Jim Walter:  You worry too much. What about "secret package that SOMEhow made it through customs" sounds dodgy?

And then. . . THIS happened.  A woman who had seen my Target post (which explains that I have an autistic daughter, and which has been seen by many many people) decided to peddle autism snake oil to me.  Her name has been changed to protect her. . . um. . . innocence, or whatever.

Shady McShaderson:  Jim please watch the video Then message me for more info on autisim. You really need to watch this right now - thank you.

I ignored it.  Bec then sent me an email that night saying I had groupies and that there was a woman who REALLY needed me to watch something and send her a message right away.  She screen capped it. . . and I forgot about it.

Over the course of the next couple days other people approached me.  Shady wasn’t able to leave a message on my page because we weren’t friends, but she sent them the same message she left Bec:  Please have Jim watch the video right away.  Please have him message me. 

I can’t remember what prompted me to return to Bec’s page and look for comment except that I love reading her blog on, and so I’d pimped it out to a few friends and was telling them to read her stuff on autism, which is really cleverly addressed, short, sweet, funny, and really informative.  And I found it again.  And because I was bored and it was lunch time and I had to kill some time, I picked up the thread I’d dropped and decided to have a little fun with it.  I’d visited her page and already knew that what she wanted me to watch was something extolling the virtues of “protandim” and that she was in fact, a direct seller OF protandim.

Jim Walter: why do I need to watch it? And what information do you think I need on autism? This is all very mysterious.

Shady McShaderson:  Have you watched the video I sent you?

Jim Walter: have. . . have you answered the question I asked you?

Shady McShaderson:  Jim go to Type in oxidative stress and autism to see studies done. Protandim reduces oxidative stress 40% to 70% in all mammals 100% of the time.

Mammals?  What the . . .

Shady McShaderson:  The reason I sent this is due to your post about autism. 

Jim Walter what's protandim? Is that orange juice?

At this point I had decided to play the sporns card.  For a quick refresher. . .  Flush the Sporns!

Shady McShaderson:  No Jim Protandim is what is talked about in the ABC Prime Time Investigative Report. Please watch the video and go to

Jim Walter: is it to rid the intestines of sporns? My daughter is already being treated for sporns.

Shady McShaderson:  That I can't tell you, however I can find out some information for you.

Jim Walter:  One treatment at a time, I think. Once we've flushed the sporns, we can look at other treatments, but I think you'll agree, sporns first, diet second, THEN polish it off with some oxidative stress relief!

Shady McShaderson:  Does this mean you watched the video? You can help a lot of people look into this.

And I couldn’t keep her to myself. . . it wouldn’t have been fair.  I invited friends.

Jill Smo: Jim... have you watched the video about sporns that I emailed you?

Jim Walter:  that's how I got on the citric flush treatments, Jill.

Jim Walter:  Shady, how did YOU learn about Protandim? It's not exactly a household name, like sporn flushing.

Jill Smo: If you want, you can message me for information about autism. I happen to know quite a bit about it, what with me having a product to sell and all

Jim Walter: I was reading some of the information I could find about it on the internet and saw that it's used for mammals. My daughter IS a mammal, or at least her doctor has told me as much, so it MAY actually be useful for her!

Bil Hooper: ‎Jim... I am so glad you told me about the Sporns! I have an appointment to get my son sprayed next month, and tomorrow we start the UV HyperD and Vitamin C flush. Like you said, his lucidity and engagement is *markedly* different; plus he's complaining _a lot_ more than usual.

Jill Smo: See, I knew that the "being a mammal causes autism" theory was right

Shady McShaderson:  Yes it will be useful for her!

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead: OMG. IM A MAMMAL!!! Cue panic attack in 3...2...1... I blame the evil, evil sporns.

Shady McShaderson:  All of us have oxidative stress and can benefit from Protandim. Watch the video at www.abchealthreport. Com. Then go to and type in oxidative stress and panic attacks for example and will show studies done.

Jill Smo:  So, Shady, are you aware of how one could purchase said product, which appears to have an amazing ability that I'm sure you're just telling us about out of the goodness of your heart?

Shady McShaderson:  Jim I started on Protandim a year and a half ago due to I have had problems with my lungs since moving from NV desert to the AZ desert. I have been in the hospital twice and on and off steroids to help me breath. In May of this year when doing breathing tests 2 have improved from a year ago and I have stayed out of the hospital and have not been on steroids all the time.

Two of her many lungs have improved by using Protandim!  AMAZING. 

Bil Hooper:  Just a thought-- is it possible to smoke Protandim?

Jill Smo:  Oh, yeah, I would totally smoke it

Bil Hooper:  I heard smoking relieves stress.

Jill Smo I've heard that, too!!! I watched a video about it

Shady McShaderson:  Jill Smo yes you can go to my site to order this. www.LifeVantage. com/ShadyMcShaderson. If you want to purchase a bottle you will want to click on "join LifeVantage" on the green box then the next page you will click "preferred customer". Honestly I'm sharing this information with you cause it is important to let people know about this product and how it will help them!

NOT because she sells it for a living!

Shady McShaderson:  Bill-no smoking Protandim!!! It is a pill!!!

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead:  Dying.  Just...dying.

Jim Walter:  My daughter has problems with pills. Is it possible to freebase or snort protandim?

It made me actually laugh out loud at myself to type that question.  Nobody is more amused by me than I am.

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead:  Oh look. I'm dead.

Bil Hooper: Even better.

Charity Lyn Bedoy:  Is Shady trying to say if we purchase her product it will "cure" our childrens autism?

Jill Smo: You can crush up a pill and then smoke it. Or so I've heard

Shady McShaderson:  You can crush the pill and put in applesauce or whatever and swipe it that way. Many people do this for their dogs cats and horses.

And that was when Shady compared giving supplements to children with autism to giving pills to their dogs/cats/horses. . . without any understanding of the implication.  And frankly, I don’t think she meant anything by it.

Jim Walter: hmmm. . . can it replace dog/cat/horse food in my daughter's diet, or should I still be feeding her that stuff as well?

Shady McShaderson:  Chariots-- Protandim does not cure or prevent. It is scientifically proven to reduce the oxidative stress that is the root cause of many diseases.

Charity Lyn Bedoy: ‎^^^^ AHAHAHAHA

Charity seemed unconvinced by Shady . . .

Shady McShaderson:  Charity-/ sorry my fingers spelled your name wrong!!

Stupid fingers. . . do you know if you take Protandim it makes your fingers better spellers?

Jill Smo:  Jim you can't cut out the dog food diet. I saw a video that said it was the BEST thing you could do for your kid

Charity Lyn Bedoy: I push my dogs pills in cheese and toss it in the air and they inhale it!

Shady McShaderson:  Well Jim that's up to you on her diet!!!!

Jim Walter:  yeah, probably better keep the dog food in there at LEAST.

Jill Smo:  Dog food has essential, um... corns

Shady McShaderson:  HAHAHA

I started to suspect she might actually know we were fucking with her. . .

Jim Walter:  plus it keeps my daughter's coat shiny.

Bil Hooper:  ‎Jim, she means that you can obviously freebase/crush/snort a pill OR sneak it into food.

Jim Walter:  Hey, Bec, I want to thank you for emailing me the comment, I might have missed it otherwise.

Because Bec is in Australia. . . she’s sleeping through this entire exchange, all of which is occurring on her Facebook page.

Patty Porch-Hooper: So wait, doesn't this verify the theory that breathing oxygen causes autism????

Shady McShaderson:  You are funny!! Just check out the science behind Protandim! Any questions send to me at my email or message me in f/b

She’s GOT to be onto us at this point.

Linda Kimpton: I have learnt soooo much from this discussion. I'm off to the supermarket for orange juice, and dog food, and we're going to get right on to reducing my son's oxygen so he has less oxidative stress! Cross your fingers, he could be cured by the weekend!

Linda’s also an Aussie. . . but she was awake.  Why so sleepy all the time, Bec?

Bil Hooper:  If that were true, my horse would have autism.

Jim Walter:  if your horse has autism. . . have you seen the video on Also, visit . .

Patty Porch-Hooper ‎Bil Hooper, I'm pretty sure ole Sparky DOES have autism. Ever notice how he never makes eye contact?

Charity Lyn Bedoy: ‎@Shady in 30 alcoholics. woohoo well if it worked on them I'll give it to my boy!! How about you have them pass FDA studies and maybe I'll think about it.

Okay. . . on a more serious note, what Charity is referring to here is the information on Protandim.  Because it is considered a supplement and not a drug, FDA does not need to approve it.  Also, according to what I read, protandim was only ever used in trials on human beings twice.  Nothing more recent than 2006.  In one study, they used it on recovering alcoholics.  From Wikipedia

“Human clinical studies
Two studies of Protandim have been conducted in human subjects. One of these studies, a non-randomized, non-controlled trial, reported that Protandim increased the levels of the antioxidant enzymes SOD and catalase while reducing TBAR levels.[7][21]
The second study, a double-blinded, randomized, placebo-controlled trial published by McCord and colleagues in 2012, examined the effect of Protandim on pulmonary oxidative stress and alveolar epithelial permeability in 30 recovering alcoholics.[22] Protandim (14 subjects at a dose of 1350 mg/day; double the daily dose recommended by the manufacturer) or placebo (in 16 subjects) were administered for 7 days. Relative to placebo-treatment, Protandim had no significant effects on alveolar epithelial permeability or on oxidative stress, epithelial growth factor, fibroblast growth factor, interleukin-1β, and interleukin-10 levels in bronchoalveolar lavage fluid. Treatment with placebo, however, produced a significant reduction in plasma levels of TBARS, a marker of oxidative stress (i.e., lipid peroxidation).”

In other words, of the two human trials conducted, one was non-controlled, not randomized reported success (paid for by the manufacturer).  The other reported no significant reduction in oxidative stress, just on a MARKER of oxidative stress. 

Jim Walter: I'm not sure whether my daughter is an alcoholic though. . . even though I AM convinced she's a mammal, or at least has mammalian tendencies. . . will it still work?

Shady McShaderson:  Linda please watch the video and let me know your thoughts!

I tried to return the discussion to what was important. . . getting Bil and Patty’s horse proper treatment for his autism.

Jim Walter: how is he in social situations?

Patty Porch-Hooper: And Linda Kimpton I have heard that plastic bags are good for reducing oxygen levels. Hey! Plastic bags cure autism!

Linda Kimpton: OMG Patty, I was totally going to get free plastic bags when I bought the OJ and the dog food! This works out perfectly!

Shady McShaderson‎:  @Charity Since Protandim is NOT a drug FDA doesn't need to be involved- it is 5 natural ingredients. As far as alchemical the damage done to their cells Protandim will help.

Jim Walter: Thank god we don't need to worry about the FDA interfering with treatment.

Shady McShaderson:  Jim and all others-you need to look at this and the science behind it

Patty Porch-Hooper:  Social situations? Well, he bites people’s fingers and flaps his tail a lot. I'm pretty sure he's stimming.

Jim Walter:  biting is NOT acceptable. Have you done any ABA type stuff with him?

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead Ooh goody! I have plastic bags! Autism beware. By the way I rose

Cynthia was struggling with her cell phone. . . it kept posting to Facebook before she’d finish what she was typing.

Bil Hooper: I'm totally overwhelmed now. I need to smoke.

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead:  From the dead after I bought Shady's product. It works!

Jim Walter:  Try smoking protandim!

Charity Lyn Bedoy: Shady there is no science behind it, that’s why it isn’t sold as anything other than a "supplement" it can’t be sold as a prescription or actually claim to "cure" because it doesn’t. I'd have better luck taking him to a O2 bar daily.

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead Protandim: cures death.

Jim Walter: have you TRIED taking him to an O2 bar?

I played my Jenny McCarthy card.  Because frankly, if Charity hasn’t taken her son to an oxygen bar daily in order to cure his oxidative stress (which according to Shady is the cause of MANY diseases) then frankly, she’s not a warrior mother. . . clearly she’s just in this for the attention.  <--sarcasm.

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead: Oxygen causes death.

Shady McShaderson:  Charity you are wrong! Go do some research on it!

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead: Studies show that 100% of people who inhale oxygen die. True story.

Charity Lyn Bedoy: No Jim but I think I WILL!! Because geez that must be it!! Come on everybody lets go!!!

Bil Hooper:  Flush Sporns!

Jim Walter:  Wait! before we go. . . let's review the science behind it. Have they tried it on mammals or alcoholic humans?

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead: Umm Chariot? I'll go with you- but only for sporn flushing research.

Shady McShaderson:  Until you do the research on it you don't know what you are talking about. I'm just sharing the information with you.

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead:  No. What you're doing is attempting to sell snake oil. Nice try though. Best laugh I've had in a while. Carry on.

I think this is the point where Cynthia starts to snap. 

Flannery Sullivan: I'm worried about my child's oxidation. Does anyone know if a product that would help that?

That line made me laugh out loud like child.

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead:  Snake oil causes oxidation.

Jim Walter:  wait. . . you want ME to do the research on it? Using my daughter?

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead:  Flannery- carbon dioxide.

Shady McShaderson:  ‎@ Cynthia. Research it then talk to me.

Dawn Hentrich I...can't...breathe...too much WIN.

Dawn’s oxidative stress started to rise. . .

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead: Or a tinted shield.

Shady McShaderson:  Jim. Research the sites!

And STILL she bravely fights on!!

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead: Yes. I'll be sure to do that. I'll ignore my background in health science first.

Flannery Sullivan: What if my son will only eat the dog biscuits, but not the actual kibble? Should I try him on the wet food?

Charity Lyn Bedoy:  ‎@Shady well if of course I'll believe the "research" your company did.  While I am at it I am going to by the Tummy Tuck Belt too!!

Jim Walter:  I can't now. . . I have to go home. As it is, I've stayed 15 minutes past when I'd normally leave. Thank you, Shady. Really.  For everything.

Shady McShaderson:  If you Cynthia have that background you will find the research interesting.

Shady McShaderson:  You ate welcome Jim and send me an email

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead: Ooh that tummy tuck belt. I was THISCLOSE to ordering that last night but I was too oxidized to get to the phone. Please order two. Thanks. You're a pal.

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead: I did NOT eat Welcome Jim. I resent that remark. I did however eat all of the Mallomars. Does that count?

Shady McShaderson:  ‎@ charity. Go to the site and you will see the universities that did their own studies

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead:  That's why I need the tummy tuck belt.

Shady McShaderson:  Jim sorry-- you are welcome!

Such a sweet girl.

More lols followed. . .

Flannery Sullivan What if the wet dog food gives him the runs. That's why I stopped giving it to the dog.

Charity Lyn Bedoy:  ‎@Cynthia we can wear them at the O2 bar!!

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead: We will be HAWT!  I hope they come in matching colors to coordinate with our nasal cannulas.  I'd hate to clash.

Charity Lyn Bedoy: ‎@Flannery well you know maybe you'll have to alternate between the cheese and wet dog food

Flannery Sullivan: Wait, Shady. Is your product for dogs also? Because my dog won't make eye contact or chase the ball, he just seems like he's in his own world.

Flannery Sullivan: I love my dog enough to do whatever it takes to make him like the other dogs.

Charity Lyn Bedoy:  ohh mine too!! And he is afraid of the wood floors in my bedroom cries like a lil baby!!

Shady McShaderson:  ‎@Flannery. Many people are giving it to their dogs, cats, horses and it is helping them! What does your dog have?

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead: My dog is afraid of everything too! He chases balls though. Maybe he isn't that far gone yet.

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead: And then my head exploded. Omfg

Uh oh. . . no. . . no THIS is when Cynthia started to get pissed.  I’m almost certain.

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead: AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH


Flannery Sullivan: Shady, he might have worms. I also worry a lot about Rickets.

Shady McShaderson‎:  @ Flannery email me at

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead: Yes Flannery. Get on that, wouldya?

Charity Lyn Bedoy:  ‎@Shady will it cure dumbassness? Because I know people that suffer from that and I think it's caused from a lack of O2 because their heads are up their booties..

Flannery Sullivan: Should I send pictures of my dog for diagnostic purposes?

Charity Lyn Bedoy: ‎Daniel you MUST purchase this not medication but supplement for your boy.. It's not FDA approved and it works on humans and animals.. HURRY it will cure his oxidative stress!! We have decided to use wet dog food to give it to our kids... what do you think?

Shady McShaderson‎:  @ Flannery if you would like

Then Cynthia lowers the boom on sporn flushing.

Cynthia Anastasia Beaverhausen Beckstead: Shady - Wow. I've gone from amused to pissed the hell off now. Bad move. Bad. You think its ok to peddle your nonsense that has not been tested safely AND you think it's ok to try to manipulate parents into using their children as guinea pigs for your own financial gain. I have no doubt you will sell that crap to some desperate, uninformed parents. You will no doubt make money from those desperate enough to administer bleach enemas to their kids. You make me sick. I don't know how you can look at yourself in the mirror. You are nothing but a bottom dwelling parasite and deserve to be treated that way. You disgust me and you should be ashamed of yourself. don't even bother responding. I'm out.

It probably had to be said. . .

But I SUSPECT Shady extricated herself quickly from the discussion at that point.  I never saw another response.  That didn’t stop the party from continuing in her honor, however.

Flannery Sullivan: Cynthia, I have to cure my dog's Rickets and autism. It's like you don't care about my dog, or his sporns.

Charity Lyn Bedoy: ‎@Flannery your dog can go to the O2 bar with us and wear a tummy tuck belt!!!

Charity Lyn Bedoy: ‎@Cynthia, she reminds me of Snake oil salesman..

Jim Walter: Wait a minute...I wonder if she's friends with the sporns guy!

Charity Lyn Bedoy: Maybe she IS the sporns guy!!!

Jim Walter: I'll bet if we watch it tells us.

Jill Smo: OH GOD. Can't... breathe.... *gasp*

Sporns killed Jill Smo at that point.

Charity Lyn Bedoy: Maybe it will tell us where Hoffa is buried, where the money from D.B. Cooper is buried (I could use it) tell me if Bigfoot is real and if so where I can find him because I'd like to photobomb the bastard, if Elvis and Tupac still alive (I think they must be with Carmen SanDiego and Waldo) settle once and for all the JFK conspiracy, why my cats sleep all day and think my bed is a rave at night...

Jim Walter:  I don't think the science shows that....

At this point, people started sharing the thread and more and more people started reading it. . . and Bec slept on. . . soooo sleepy.  While I hate to leave anyone out, I WILL link to the thread at the end of this post so you can decide to visit if you wish.  There are some really funny lines delivered after the fact, and let’s face it, if you’re reading this, you could use a few laughs at the expense of sporns-flushing salespeople.

And then Bec woke up with some BS about going to bed really late and THAT’s why she didn’t see the post. . .

Bec:  Okay people WTF IS GOING ON??? I was up until 3AM trying to work out why FB is dicking me over and deleting all of September from my timeline and I wake up to confused right now...

Jim Walter:  I um...remembered you told me someone wanted to talk to me...

Charity Lyn Bedoy: Shady is a wonderful lady trying to sell us these amazing pills that will cure any mamal of pretty much anything that ails ya

Bec:  ‎* drags tired ass all the way to top of comments to work out if armageddon has happened due to bacon shortage *

Charity Lyn Bedoy:  umm we are making plans for that.. shhh it's a secret!!

Bec:  OH. MY. GOD. It's like Christmas morning and Santa just brought me the BEST PRESENT EVER!!

Bec:  Thank you Santa Jim.


Bec:  This is the best party I've turned up 5 hours late to when everyone is passed out drunk on my lawn! Oh and there's a chance I may have flagged some of you as spam because I'm half asleep and my brain is playing some serious catch up here, I can't be expected to click in the right place... Or maybe it's the sporns...

Charity Lyn Bedoy: Shady has a pill for that


That was a nice natural ending to the post. . . though the discussion continued.  I encourage you to read the rest of it in its entirety at

On that page you’ll see Shady’s real name, so I'm not sure why I bothered protecting it.  And I want to say this:  I have read some information on Protandim.  I can’t tell you whether it will help your child/dog/horse/other mammal’s oxidative stress.  But if you’re interested, look into it.  I am NOT.  This post, despite obvious hilarity, is not meant to say that the product does not work.  

Is it my opinion that it does not?  Absolutely.  Am I qualified to make that sort of judgement?  Meh. . . probably not.  So take my mockery with a grain of salt.

Peddling hope is cutthroat business.  Shady’s fallback position was always “watch the video!”  That’s good.  Because she only ever really said Protandim helped HER, and because she never claimed cures and essentially fell back to “watch the video” and “do the research” I can’t really fault her TOO much.  Her advice is sound.  DO THE RESEARCH.

But. . . don’t come to me with your demands to look into the miracle cure du jour (aka sporn flushing) and expect my prompt obedience and resultant happy dance at the news.  There are too many OTHER miracle cures people are rushing to market that I ALSO need to research. 

And to quote Miracle Max, “You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.”


  1. I don't know what to say. I missed a great party.

  2. That was the Best. Thread. Ever. Much fun was had by all, except maybe the miracle cure peddler.

    The sad thing is there is always another huckster around the corner with more miracle elixirs for our kids.

    1. Sporn Police will be waiting for them. . .

      Bad boys bad boys,
      whatcha gonna do,
      whatcha gonna do when they come for you.

  3. I am still mad at you guys for not calling me out of Garden Club for that. I missed a metric ton of fun. I blame you. I don't care if Garden Club is the ONLY social thing we do for my kid, I'm still mad. I WANT A CODE WORD for these situations.

    Now I'm going to get serious. The fact she went after you was wrong. Granted we all have a combined IQ's that would make others blush but the fact remains she, and others like her, are out there preying on parents who may not know better or may be so desperate they'd try anything. What she is doing is flat out WRONG.

  4. Oh Shady just had no idea who she was posting to did she? Awesome!

  5. Reading it here a 2nd time was even better. It was all so witty and funny I couldn't even come up with anything of my own to add. It was just that good.

    1. I find that very difficult to believe. . . still, it was fun.

  6. Love it. I really should not have read this as I am meant to be packing.... sorry I mean researching dog food and sporns. Couldn't stop reading and weeping though. Thanks for cheering me up!

    1. I'm a procrastinator too. Glad you chose to procrastinate here!

  7. I was pissed that I missed the notification of such things like Liz, but DAMN that was SO FUNNY... it was almost as fun reading it after it happened. I laughed so hard I had to hold my side and breathe into a pillow because I was waking up my kids.

    1. haha. . . honestly it made me laugh while we were doing it. And I'm a tough audience.

  8. OMFG!!! This made my day. I loved how Cynthia let her have it. All that talk about mammals and sporns had me rolling with laughter. Snake Oil peddlers make me sick!!!

    1. Yeah. . . she broke. Probably we could have kept going a few more hours. . .

  9. How did I miss this party?! So bummed! But nicely done. So where can I buy this stuff? Don't judge me you victim parents, you.

  10. This was as funny the second time through, if not funnier. And any post with a quote from Princess Bride is a winner in my book. If only you'd named your blog after one.

    1. If only I'd named the blog after a quote from princess bride? Anybody Want a Peanut was the only other quote I could think of, and it's taken!

  11. This was the best part of my entire month! Seriously.

    Poor, poor Shady! And thanks for looking out for my horse. Right now, he's scripting a Phineas and Ferb show and rocking a little. He needs some help.

    1. Yay! And also. . . that's sort of sad. . .

      I love P&F. . . if you're going to script, make it them.

  12. The people at dance now think I'm completely nuts (as opposed to only thinking I was slightly crazy before) because of the nearly falling out of my chair laughing that I was doing last night. It's a small lobby. Warn a girl.

  13. Really nicely done, Team Sporn. *slow clap*

    1. Where were you during all this? Oh yeah. . . beating me to the punch.

  14. "What if my son will only eat the dog biscuits, but not the actual kibble? Should I try him on the wet food?" and "plus it keeps my daughter's coat shiny"

    more than 24 hours later now and I'm still laughing

    1. I do love how she seamlessly transitioned from feeding horses and dogs to feeding our children. That's good salesmanship.

  15. Best thing ever. I thought nothing could top sporns, I was wrong.

  16. giggled through this whole thing. I was as amused by the sporns as I am gratified by your condemnation of the bleach treatment, chelation, and other "cures" that kill and injure people.

    also, as an autistic, I can confirm that the sporns do make us drunk. Very drunk. ALL THE TIME. I'm surprised I even know this because, having been chock-full of sporns from birth, I've never even been sober. I loose my balance every damn day!

    1. Lily has problems loosing her balance early in the morning. And not even the strongest antibiodics can kill her sporns.

  17. Who knew so much fun could come from your package, Jim?

    Yes now you've outed me to all my many fans. "Stop calling me Mum, I already sent you a fricken book!"

    Thank you for my present, Santa Jim. That was hands down the weirdest morning ever, it took me half a day to play catch up and I'm still not entirely sure what happened. I'm honoured to have had the pleasure of involuntarily hosting Sporngate as it will live in infamy as the most pee-inducing thread of all time. So many classic lines in there... "Should I send pictures of my dog for diagnostic purposes?"

    I do have to say that it really pissed me off that this chick was trying to play off whatever exposure you were getting from the Target post, to try and sell a product (no matter what it was, but especially a 'cure'). And even more pissed that she was doing it on MY wall like a stalker. But... even though I do agree that she put herself in that position, and the result was hilarious, there's a part of me that doesn't enjoy watching someone get made fun of - no matter how stupid, impolite or dodgy they are. I just have to put that out there, because there's something about this that makes me feel bad and maybe you can make me feel better about it :)

    1. I have to think about that last part a little. I guess it depends on what you think motivated her. When I think back to the scam baiting I've done. . . *random Nigerian women in need of rescue. . . just send $25 and they'll share their fathers' fortunes with you*. . . I'm not sure it's the same thing. In the case of scammers, they absolutely deserve it. I am unapologetic and completely remorseless. They're stealing money. With Shady. . . she's selling a product. It's too much of a stretch to say she's scamming. . . although she implies that her product is the root cause of many illnesses and could be used to treat autism, she DOES say it's not a cure.

      I hear where you're coming from. . . and I think if I extrapolate too far, I feel bad. What are her personal circumstances? Why is she selling protandim instead of . . . whatever else she might be doing? Is she supporting a family? What kind of upbringing did she have? I think I'm just satisfied saying to myself. . . It's not cure. It's not even a treatment. She wants me to give it to my kid. . . fuck her.

      But I understand your point, and I'm sorry for pasting it on your page if it makes you feel guilty for what happened to her there.

      I AM excited that people are on your page though. You just have too much awesome on it for people not to be visiting. . . even mean-spirited sporn flush salesman baiting type people. :)

    2. Not feeling guilty, just taking pity on someone who could be that stupid. I'm over it now :)

    3. I really don't think she's stupid. I just think she's selling a stupid product. Stupidly.

  18. I started reading the thread on my way home from my MIL's. No, I wasn't driving, but I did need to pee, so I had to close Facebook before I had to make my husband pull over for an emergency side-of-the-road toilet stop. Y'all are evil. That poor dumb woman has probably been huckstered herself, turned into a true believe because she just ain't as clever as the rest of us.

    Evil, but funny.

    1. My wife complained that it didn't make for easy reading on the cell phone. I think Cynthia's name was so long it was impossible to tell when she was saying something because it was two lines long before you got to her dialog. Still. . . funny stuff.

  19. I am still laughing, and right while I am laughing through this thread my husband is telling me about a gallbadder flush he thinks might be the thing for my gut pain. Maybe it's the sporns (I did feel quite woozy after the endoscopy last week.) I guess I need to drink MORE orange juice, then drink apple juice all day and fast, then take sacred bark pills to flush the sporns once and for all. Epsom salt, garlic and lemon juice are also involved. At least I don't need to do the research, someone has done it for me. I am also thankful that I didn't have to watch the video. Oh and all the stuff won't actually hurt me, like bleach enemas.
    Thanks for a hearty laugh, I so needed it. And to the Sporn flush peddlers...Beware...

    1. ooh. . . sacred bark sounds good. . . can you smoke it, snort it or freebase it?

    2. Cascara sagrada is an herb so maybe all of the above? Keep in mind it does have a mild laxative effect.

    3. hmmmm. . . that means "to aid in relaxing" right?

  20. Cynthia had the best line EVER: "100% of people who breathe oxygen die. True story." I am so unbelievably pissed that I missed this, but I am so unbelievably grateful for the laugh. And, for the reminder that there are a lot of smart people in the world, and I know them. ;-)

    1. 100% of the people who take protandim die too. . .

  21. Umm, I love all of you. I was too busy being in the ER with my sick kid to be anywhere near fb, but I wonder if protandim cures spina bifida, too!

  22. I'm willing to bet Shady promptly chowed down 3 bottles of her own Protandim followed by OJ...and Vodka...then raided her plastic bag stash.

  23. Crap. Remind me never to try to sell you anything!

    1. I'll add that to my "reminders" on my Iphone.

  24. argh, i *really* need to catch up on my blog reading. now ve haf a sporn gap!

  25. Thing that creeps me out about her--or any marketer--saying "do the research!" is that she then directed people to specific websites over and over and then tells you what videos to watch and what to search. "Here, what I say is true, do the research! and by research, I mean, read this paragraph on this specific page of this one book that indicates that I am totally right about everything."


    Also, that was some of the funniest shit I've read in awhile.